The sound I made was inhuman.
come closer one second
okay close enough
i have a simple question: which of us is wearing a crown?
that would be me.
do you know what this crown means?
it means i look fucking cute
and you’re the human embodiment of a sore butt
now as your fucking queen, i royally declare
that i am beautiful and you are a listerine enema
I will never forget the Tenth Doctor’s face when he sees the newly decorated Tardis
Im not sure the new IT guy knows what he is doing…
Nonsense give him a promotion and his own corner office
please just watch this
"It’s one second." I said
"It can’t possible be that great."
I was wrong.
for once i want the girl in the action movie to be the one that’s like “okay stay here, hold this gun, don’t move” and i want the guy to be like “what the fuck do i do, oh my god is this a gun, don’t leave me alone with this! how do i shoot weapon?”
My friend went to a nerd factory. They gave him a bag of rejects and said “Enjoy your bag of diabetes.”
i hate you
If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the Scots thought it would be a good idea to invade England because the English were weakened by the Plague. They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to Scotland, and killed half their own population.
BREAKING NEWS: more shark attacks during shark week because they all think we’re saying ‘shark weak’ and it upsets them
lets have phone sex over walkie talkies
"I’ll make you moan, over"
"bend what? over"
Life tip: bring a book with you everywhere you go
Life pro tip: bring two, in case you finish the first one.
Bigger life pro tip: Bring a kobo/kindle with you everywhere so you have an entire library with you at all times.
Ultimate life pro tip: live in a library and never ever leave.
Supreme life tip: Become a library
NONONONONO DO NOT BECOME A LIBRARY